How Do We Communicate?

Published: June 22, 2018

Imagine your friend comes to ask you for Shillings.1000/= the only money you have, how would you react? what would you tell your friend?

Maybe "this is the only money I have, I wanted to buy food stuff but you can I have, I will borrow from someone else." Will you tell your friend, "Are you crazy, things are tough around here, look for your own and stop being lazy." or will you tell him/her "things are tough right now, I need this money for foodstuff, though I can spare shillings 200/=.

I speak you listen, you speak I listen, that's the way it should be. Is that what happens? There are times I say nothing though I am screaming inside. There are times you shout but crying inside. So how should people communicate?

Before we get to how? it would be important to know the different styles of communications. Are you passive, aggressive or an assertive communicator?

A passive communicator is a person who puts the needs, wants and feeling of others at their own expense. They do not express their own needs and do not stand up for their needs. This leads to being taken advantage of, frustrations and helplessness. Some of their traits are:

Soft-spoken/quiet
· Think of others first
· Poor eye contact/looks down or away
· Does not express one’s own needs or wants
· Lack of confidence

An aggressive communicator is a person who expresses only their own needs, wants, and feelings. They hardly listen to the others and ignore the needs of others. Here are some of their traits:

Quick to anger
· Easily frustrated
· Speaks in a loud or overbearing way
· Use criticism, humiliation and domination
· Frequently interrupts
· Unwilling to compromise
· Disrespectful towards others

An assertive communicator takes care of their own needs as well as of others. As much as they stand up for their own needs, wants, and feelings, they also listen to and respect the needs of others. Assertive communication is defined by confidence, and a willingness to compromise. They:
· Listen without interruption
· Clearly states needs and wants
· Willing to compromise
· Stands up for own rights
· Confident tone/body language
· Good eye contact

Now I want you to imagine a scenario where someone is in a restaurant and has received the wrong order:

What would a passive , an aggressive or an assertive communicator do?